Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14
Colossians 3:12-21
Matthew 2:13-15, 19-23
These reading have always upset me. They just make me mad.
First you’ve got the wives be subordinate to your husbands. When I hear that, I hear echos from my past: “you’re pretty smart, for a girl,” “you shouldn’t raise your hand in class so much, guys don’t like that.” On the job I heard things like, “women are too emotional,” “you really should be home with your children,” “it’s okay to pay women less, after all, its only a second income.” And then there’s that time a month or two ago when I handed my credit card to a cashier and he asked if my husband approved of my purchase. It’s insulting. I’ve spent my whole life being treated like a less-than person.
Then there’s those readings about honoring your parents. Those hit me even harder. My parents divorced with I was four, just after my Dad came home from Vietnam. I was shuttled back and forth between an abusive mother and her boyfriend of the month and an emotionally absent father. I grew up being used and ignored. I didn’t receive the comfort and protection that all children need, and certainly didn’t experience much cherishing. My mother’s manipulation and abuse continued into adulthood, cutting me in a place so deep that I couldn’t defend myself. When I broke off all contact with her, I was asked why I was being so mean to my mother. Where was my honor? These readings about duty to parents stab me right in the place where I needed loving parents.
These verses about wives and children have been used for centuries as justification for abuse and oppression and sexism. Few parts of the Bible have been used for more evil. Perhaps the only worst one is the very next verse, “slaves obey your masters.” Satan loves these verses.
Satan can quote the Bible and does. He quoted Scripture to tempt Jesus in the desert and he can quote Scripture to tempt us.
We know that all Scripture is divinely inspired, so we have to look in these readings and find that solid holy ground without slipping into the sin that has corroded hearts. Our first step is to do an examination of conscience of where we start. Do we have with a position and find verses to support it, or do we start with Scripture and allow it to give us our positions? Do we have a conviction, like that women are less than men, and then look for verses to back us up? Or do we start with an open heart and mind and let Scripture lead us to God’s heart. Do we form Scripture or does Scripture form us?
When we approach Scripture in humility, wishing to be formed, we don’t start and end on one line. That’s Satan’s way. We read the whole passage and we strive to understand the context. You see, this passage doesn’t end with wives be subordinate to your husbands, it goes on to tell husbands to love their wives and fathers not to provoke their children. There is actually more in that reading about the duty of husbands and fathers than wives and children. In Roman times, women were the property of their husbands. They could not own land, or inherit, or get custody of their children. They were not considered valid witnesses in court and killing your wife was not considered murder. In that context, telling wives to be subordinate would be like today saying that wives shouldn’t step out on their husbands. Of course. But then we hear that husbands have duties! Husbands must love their wives! Fathers must love their children! Now that isn’t of-course. This reading is about the duties of husbands, the ones with power in the family. I’ve noticed that a lot of admonitions in the Bible are directed at the ones holding power, not the other way around.
Our Old Testament reading about honoring parents concludes with caring for parents in their old age. Without social security, or retirement, or nursing homes, old age was a very vulnerable time. This was not a teaching directed at powerless children being dominated or abused. It’s for adult children of frail parents. It’s a teaching for the ones with power.
These teachings about duties aren’t one-sided. Just as the covenant wasn’t one-sided, neither are family duties. In the covenant, God said, “you will be my people and I will be your God.” The people would worship God, follow God’s commandments, and God would love and protect the people. Honoring parents in old age presupposes a caring and nurturing childhood that leads to an an authentic expression of love and gratitude toward parents in old age.
I admit that I hear the duty to honor parents differently now being a parent myself. We have six children. Our oldest is 19 and has left home. He still carries anger and resentment at his Dad and me, and he doesn’t show much affection. I remember back to the little boy who I held, and cherished and protected, trying to do those things for him that hadn’t been done for me. But today I’m faced with a distant young adult. I want him to hear these readings about kindness and honor. I want him to remember the things we have done for him and for gratitude to well out of him from the place where he loves his family. I want him to be loyal to us, not out of duty, but because we were first loyal to him. I want him to be grateful and to help, but I want to all be an expression of love. When we honor we are expressing love.
Today we have some of Satan’s favorite verses and we have to make a choice. Does the love we have received in our families lead to full hearts and grateful care? Or will we use these verses against people, telling them what their duty is. The difference between using Scripture like Satan and using Scripture like a faithful follower is in our second reading, “over all these put on love.”
These readings are all about right relationships in families. It’s right relationship that that spouses love one another and make decisions together. It’s right relationship that parents love and nurture their children and that their children respond with love and gratitude. It’s right relationship that lead Joseph to risking his own life to protect Mary and Jesus. That is holy fathering and husbanding.
Right relationship in families can be difficult today when so few of us eat meals together. When we are pulled apart by busy-ness and electronics taking our attention away. But we see lots of examples of right relationships too— parents who lovingly provide predictable boundaries for their children, or spouses who intentionally spend time together, or family members being the first in line to care for each other in time sickness. Something as simple as regularly eating together is an example for all of us.
Right family relationships begin with love, stand on a foundation of love, and are expressions of love. How have your families felt your love?
No comments:
Post a Comment